Head Games

head games that we women play on ourselves can be pretty brutal. we struggle with the intense need to feel intimacy and be loved. and of course we often focus this desire toward the ever complicated, yet far too simple opposite sex. there is this constant inner struggle to wait for the right guy vs. settling for Mr. Right Now. i was reading Cosmo Magazine today... i know, i know, not the best source for advice. but anyhow, i was reading it. this sleazy magazine admits that many women settle for temporary physical intimacy because of a deeper desire to have emotional intimacy, and even Cosmo admits this to be destructive. so, as i find myself in a boy crazed state of heart i'm reminded, even by Cosmopolitan Magazine, that real intimacy is worth the wait.

i had a great conversation today with a friend of mine about making a checklist of things that i want in a guy. well, i had one a long time ago. then, someone told me that my standards are too high and i'm setting myself up for disappointment. but, honestly, i think the check list idea is great, even if it does include silly little thinks like, "must like roller coasters", "loves to travel", "loves to dance", "must be tall enough so i can wear heals". lol. ok, so there were far more important things on my list as well.

the message at my church today was a great one, the issue of looking for intimacy in the wrong places was addressed. i have to admit, i've been guilty of this in my life. but oh man, how the heart suffers. so in the message the pastor spoke of having intimacy with Christ and how He desires a relationship with us that can fulfill much of our need for intimacy. yes, we still have needs for community and relationships but ultimately we have a stronger need for intimacy with God. i know i feel this, and my happiest, healthiest times are when i'm spiritually in tune, intimate if you will, with Christ.

so why is it so easy for me to forget this? why is it so easy to forget my passions for God and fixate them on that cute guy over there at the end of the bar? ok, ok that's an exaggeration. but what about the good friend of x-number of years, or the nice guy from work, or the intelligent guy from class who slowly but surely woos or smiles his way into your little heart? and what about when that guy ends up being not so fantastic after all because well, there's a handful of other girls getting the same flashy smile?

ok, so what's my point? i don't know yet. i'm just figuring this out as i go along. i do know that my strong desire is to have intimacy with Christ and to let Him work out the boy stuff. lol. let's see how well i do.