Lessons in Life.

Yesterday, I got to spend a lovely day at Disneyland with three of my Dominican friends Betsy, Moises and Jusan (I don't know if I spelled that correctly). Other than having an amazing time I had the opportunity to learn one important life lesson. Moises pointed out to me that everything, I mean EVERYTHING can teach you something about your life. For example, he told me that he learned a life lesson from the Rollercoaster. He is an amazing teacher that is for sure. I liked his story about trying to go snorkeling with a life vest on. If you are a weak swimmer, you have to wear a life vest. As you are swimming, you want to dive down and see the beautiful creatures under the water, but the vest keeps you up. If you had trained yourself in swimming and diving, you would not need the vest. You would not be hindered, and you would be able to fully enjoy the experience. But, because you did not prepare yourself, you have to wear the vest. So you cannot fully enjoy it. Moises said, it is the same with our life. That we need to be spiritually strengthened so that we can fully enjoy what God has to offer in our life. That we carry things that hinder us because we are not prepared.

Oh God, help me to throw off all thath hinders. Help me to grow in strength and endurance. You know my weakness, you know my flaws.
¡Por favor Señor, ayudame!

This is how my heart breaks.

These holes in my jeans show how I've been hurting,
and remind me of the pain from our broken past.
Finally understanding there is no prescription,
in a love that was never meant to last.

Your expectations of me never met,
The woman I am differed from ideals you'd set.

Always feeling like number 3 from the list,
I never measuring up to the others you missed.

I had to be free of the prison I was in,
Free from the year and months of our sin.

My heart aches with loneliness from breaking,
But nothing as devastating as mistakes we'd been making.

Now it's freedom I see,
Freedom to be the one Christ made me.

While pain and love still linger on,
It's He who has me in His grasp so strong.

He's moving, I feel it, in brokenness and pain.
There will always be bright days after rain.

Lord I crave your strength, please guard my heart.
When souls are this deep it's so hard to part.

I break only for You now, the One who loves deeply.
I pray that you hold me and love me and keep me.

Discovering love.

It’s not everyday that you discover a love like this. So passionate, so liberating, so purposeful and life giving. It’s indescribable, and yet here I find myself trying desperately to verbalize the intensity at which I experience this love.

My God, my King, my Love, my Lord. Thank you for the life you’ve breathed into me. Thank you for the freedom I find in you. Thank you for the purpose I have as your ambassador. Thank you for the love I experience as your daughter, your princess. You freed me from the constraints of this selfish world. You rescued me from myself, my own disgusting desires of self destruction.

How can I show appreciation to such a deserving God, when I am not worthy to call out your name? Is my life enough? Is this heart enough? If I give it all, am I enough?

I love you with every inch of my being, every cell that shapes me. My heart beats for your purpose alone. My blood burns to please only you. My soul longs to be yours forever.

What will you have with me? Where will you move me?

You are my passion and I will follow you. Yes, until death. Yes, lacking conditions.

Your love letter is the one that is trustworthy. I sing love songs to you even in my darkest hour.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23

Una canción

letting go: a song by jaime rose


This time, you weren’t all the you seemed,
It wasn’t all that I’ve dreamed.
In my mind, thought I saw love in your eyes,
I didn’t know it was all lies.
This time, I gave you all my devotion,
I know you felt that emotion.
In my mind, you were perfect for me,
I gave you all my heart for free.

But now I’m letting go
I’m letting go

I’m letting go with confidence,
That this life’s gunna bring me another chance.
You could never love me as I am
We were never all we seemed at second glance.
So I’m letting go
I’m letting go

Next time, I’ll find the one that is better,
He’s gunna love me forever.
In Gods’ mind, he’ll be perfect for me
So I’ll give him all my heart for free.
Next time, still givin’ all my devotion
He’s gunna feel that emotion.
In my mind, a sweeter love is what I see,
It’s gunna happen for me.

I’m letting go with confidence,
That this life’s gunna bring me another chance.
You could never love me as I am
We were never all we seemed at second glance.

So I’m letting go
I’m letting go
I’m letting go

Love, won’t you give me just one more chance?

Love that speaks in free verse.

Why is it that we women always have love on our minds? Sigh... Well, since I am a women I will share a thought on love...

I want a love that speaks in free verse.

The following is a modest insight into the inspiration of a love that speaks in free verse. I do apologize if this is not understandable, but I hope you find it interesting...In Shakespearian Romeo and Juliet, Romeo shows love for two women. First, he loves Rosaline of whom he speaks of in iambic pentameter. This illustrates that Romeo loves her in a religious, by the book type of method. This love has a how to, a set of regulations and rules on how one is to love the other. When Romeo speaks to Juliet however, he speaks in free verse, which illustrates that his love is a passionate out pouring of the heart with no rules to restrain, contain, nor govern it. That's the form of love I desire... A love that speaks in free verse.

I don't know why this is a struggle for some people. I've felt too often that I just fit into the "life plan" of my significant other. He thought he needed a good wife, I am a good woman, therefore I would be a good wife for him. NO! What about the deep, passionate longing to be one with me? Not just physically, but one with my soul? Genesis states that the man and woman become one. Oneness. In order to have oneness you must desire the whole person, not just the idea of an "ideal" marriage partner. I've been bruised and scarred by the expectations of being some perfect, ideal person. While claims were made that love was true, it wasn't. Sure, the idea of being a great match seemed wonderful, but it wasn't really me they loved. It was the idea of marrying a woman like me that they loved. So when my flaws shown through, the love was proven to be conditional. And so, I cannot believe that I've ever been truly loved. Not like Romeo loved Juliet. Yes, maybe it is wild and careless at times... But it's freeverse, passionate and true.

~ Inspired by two of my favorite authors ~ William Shakespeare & Donald Miller

blogging 101

Today marks day 1 of my blogging endeavors. Don't get your hopes up too much, the likelihood of me actually remembering to post on a regular basis is quite slim. I hope you enjoy reading my journey through figuring life out.